Splitting the G

Commitment, skill, strategy and Guinness

A few years ago I was working a busy shift and it seemed everyone and their uncle was drinking Guinness. So many Guinness drinkers in fact, that we ran out of Guinness glasses. The orders were coming faster than we could clear and wash the empty ones. A guy came up and ordered four pints. I grabbed four regular pint glasses, poured the Guinness, let them settle, topped them off and handed them over. The blowback was fierce and immediate.

“No—I need them in a proper Guinness glass!”

“Look, it’s a perfect pour,” I said, “the Guinness tastes the same no matter what glass it’s in.”

He flatly refused to take them. What an asshole!

“No, I need them in Guinness glasses; we’re doing Split the G.”

That was the first time I’d heard of Split the G, a game where you order a pint of Guinness, and then drink enough in your first gulp to bring the level of what remains exactly to the half point of the “G” on the glass. There are different schools of thought, but four small consecutive gulps seems to be a winning tactic. After that first sip, the game is over and you just go about the business of enjoying the pint and your friends. In terms of drinking games, it’s pretty mild, involving strategy rather than volume. You’re probably not going to end up in the ER with alcohol poisoning for splitting the G, is what I’m saying.

And it’s kind of sweet, actually, to see the pure joy when the split is achieved. A couple weeks ago—the day of the World Cup Final—three guys came in as soon as we opened. They had no interest in looking at the food menu, and they all ordered Guinness.

I was in the back dining room finishing my set-up when I heard a ruckus at the bar. I rushed back to see what the hollering was about. Whoops and high-fives—all three had simultaneously managed to split the G.

Ed, Jeff and Jyot

They were enormously pleased with themselves, and agreed that I could take their photo. I was thinking about Life Behind Bars, so I said, “Do you think you could do it again? (I hadn’t gotten a “Before” photo; I hadn’t understood the stakes.) They agreed, but paused to put on their shades.

“OK, I got the ‘before’ shot—go ahead and do it again.” They all picked up their glasses and drank, but sadly, no one was able to split the G the second time. Performance anxiety was the culprit, apparently.

I told them not to worry (I’m sure it happens all the time), and since I’d gotten the first photo, there was evidence of their stellar achievement.

As with so many other challenges in life, the key is to relax and try to have some fun.

But not when it comes to pouring the Guinness itself. That is very serious business.

Speaking of relaxing, today is my last day working behind the bar until September. I’ll be spending the next few weeks upstate, but I’ll continue to write Life Behind Bars while I’m gone.

I’ve taken notes.

Thank you to all subscribers—free and paid—for hanging out with me every Friday in my life behind the bar. Your participation, comments and encouragement mean the world, especially in these dark days. I hope all of you will have the opportunity to step out of the daily grind for a bit, even if it’s just for a walk or an ice cream cone or to split the G with a friend.

See you next week!